User talk:Guido/Wishlist/Part 1

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Revision as of 03:44, 16 October 2006 by Geyser (talk | contribs) (more talk)
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Question
He was driving. He's badly injured. The car's on fire.
She wants him to live and she wants him to understand that.
Why didn't she rescue him first?
geyser 13:17, 3 October 2006 (CEST)


Comment
good dramatic visual opening. captivating.
conversation between mai and john needs work. personally i think it comes off as cliche because blackwater doesn't see it coming -- and this should be obvious to him, as it is to the reader, by mai dragging him from his burning car and bandaging him.
AF
Why, I'd say he does see it coming... He acknowledges Konoko's mercy early on, and the dialogue is basically him being curious about her reasons.
geyser 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST)

the grieve reference intrigues me, but this scene has to be pivotal by nature of it's function (enlightening konoko).
What I'd like you to do is "bracket" this scene -- the nature of kon's grudge against blackwater, what she does next, their previous experiences together, all relevant related info.
AF
That "bracketing" is what wiki nodes are all about. Anything that calls for further development (here, for instance, Konoko's encounter with Grieve) gets a new page, to which we link from here.
geyser 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST)

Other questions -- she saves his life, he's important to her, yet she walks away. Why? She has nothing left, doesn't she?
AF
cf her monologue. Note that it ends on a question.
geyser 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST)

Lastly, blackwater becomes a big loose end if you leave him alive. You'll need to resolve that.
AF
Yes, he does become a loose end. No, we don't have to resolve it. Think different. ^^
geyser 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST)


Every time I look at my reflection...
Ever went past two glass/mirror panes meeting at a right angle? You're basically passing another you.
Not a mirrored one; one rotated by 180° and headed in a direction opposite to yours. Looking at you... And then... nothing.
Looking at that "passer-by" is really different from looking in a mirror. Just a few thoughts... Multiple reflection are hell to render accurately.
But a Konoko who's "passing herself" on her way out of the compound (during the monologue) is quite appealing, IMO. It's about missed opportunities...
geyser 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST)