User talk:Guido/Wishlist/Part 4

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Revision as of 05:02, 16 October 2006 by Geyser (talk | contribs) (Comments)
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good. short, sweet, to the point.
I have a hard time imagining konoko ragged -- after all, she's the toughest and quickest to bounce back, and she has a lot of pride -- but that's my only crit.
once again, a well done scene.
AF
I too have trouble imagining Konoko ("dead drunk"?) making an ass of herself.
If she's indeed drunk :
  • how did she manage to get drunk out on the range? Wine? Vodka? 90% spirit?
  • why in the world would she allow herself to attain such a state? What happened?
geyser 07:02, 16 October 2006 (CEST)

Dialogues are a trifle random "as usual" and sometimes, surprisingly, verbose. Example :
"Too many people carry their wounded to us - they beg us for some food and medicines. But we can’t afford all their requests."
...why the heck is he talking like he's giving an interview? He's changing subjects : he should be thinking aloud...
Either an overlooked "bug" or an understressed "feature" : Ms. Hishikawa instructing Kazuo to take Konoko to the ambulance, and finally accompanying them all the way.
Still can't proofread right now, sorry.
geyser 07:02, 16 October 2006 (CEST)