User talk:Guido/Wishlist/Part 2
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- I thought those were gone???
- she was still alive! She needed to breathe and I gave her the air, and she needs your water now!
- our governments only want us to remember why we need them – but now at edge of oblivion--many have realized that a promise of order and peace is no more enough, and there are no more protectors we can commit our obedient consent.
- take this and clean your face...
- etc...
- actually, I did find them a bit heavy, and was happy when you cut them out... ^^
- geyser 20:40, 27 September 2006 (CEST)
- Gave up on typesetting, mainly because of personal priorities (you should be able to DIY, BTW)
- Also, I'm not even sure that's the last version... because of those resurrected segments.
- Grammar will come soon : the trivial things I'll edit in-place; unintelligible or tricky bits I'll ask about here.
- Cheerios.
- geyser 20:40, 27 September 2006 (CEST)
- OLDMAN
- I found your oldman unfortunately familiar. But it's not personal -- mentors like him are everywhere in movies, especially martial arts movies.
- You can leave him in this role but you will need to find a new way to present him, or you'll lose your audience.
- I concur.
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- what I liked most was the mix of desperate people, lost children, this atypical leader ('fire their motivation' was a good phrase, by the way)
- and the wasteland social dynamics that you're implying in this scene. Konoko would obviously be a target of envy, wouldn't she?
- I'd agree that's the spot where the most potential for originality lies.
- However, I ask to be shown the actual strings used by Oldman to drive his thugs against Konoko.
- They fight reluctantly : why do they fight for him at all? What's the point of their allegiance?
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- Since Konoko is largely responsible for the wasteland, I'd expect the mob to show something else than envy...
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- I don't buy him as a syndicate boss. The syndicate are mobsters, they deal in money, influence, power and control -- not perfection of fighting techniques.
- Err... what about Muro, Mukade, etc?
- What you say may have been true for the pre-Muro Network/Syndicate, but Muro's Syndicate was martialized (rather irreversibly, if you ask me) by Muro and the Daodan.
- Whoever used to "deal in money, influence, power and control"... was decimated. Even with Muro (temporarily?) gone, it would take ages for the old ways you mention to seep back in.
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- This guy would be a semi-affiliated attachment, if anything. You'll have to do a bit of work to convince me, and others --
- I can't suggest anything, because you have to decide which way to take things.
- Guido never said he was a big boss...
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- re: the paramedic -- this guy should be sharp enough to know it's konoko's sense of duty that's bringing her towards being a paramedic, not a true wish.
- Indeed, he's being annoyingly obtuse to anything that doesn't fit into his not-too-consistent flow of tirades. He's way too much of a sophist.
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- However, the end bit with the small girl is very good. Favorite part of the scene for me, for sure.
- My number one complaint about the girl is that she doesn't talk like one at all. "Yes -- but she seems so distant, sometimes."... how old must she be in order to say that line?
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- Honestly, I don't know why you need the batman begins-style mob fight or syndicate.
- the ecological breakdown is more uniqely 'oni' and certainly brutal enough to engender a lot of hardship and violence on its own.
- I... err... concur ^^
- geyser 06:29, 16 October 2006 (CEST)
- I'd suggest you push this angle harder. You yourself made me think about this with your oxygen tank-truck drawing. (visible HERE, entry from December 13, 2005 geyser)
- Perhaps there's a way you could pull off your more conventional scene (maybe push the syndicate angle). but you'll have to work harder.