5,389
edits
User talk:Geyser/Test: Difference between revisions
m
→EXIT
m (→EXIT) |
|||
| Line 122: | Line 122: | ||
:Unless we ''see'' him leave, I think the scene relies too heavily on speech. A spooky guy is sitting in a big office, another guy talks to him and leaves, then chats with a coworker. What happened? | :Unless we ''see'' him leave, I think the scene relies too heavily on speech. A spooky guy is sitting in a big office, another guy talks to him and leaves, then chats with a coworker. What happened? | ||
:Practically, I think the talk with Grieve should be Avatar's last business in his former office. If ''he'' walks out at the end of the talk, leaving Grieve alone in ''his'' office (with someone who is clearly ''his new secretary''), the transfer of power is clearly shown through the screenplay alone : the old boss is gone, Grieve is in charge, and must settle the business with Christine. | :Practically, I think the talk with Grieve should be Avatar's last business in his former office. If ''he'' walks out at the end of the talk, leaving Grieve alone in ''his'' office (with someone who is clearly ''his new secretary''), the transfer of power is clearly shown through the screenplay alone : the old boss is gone, Grieve is in charge, and must settle the business with Christine. | ||
:Additionally, it's appealing to show Avatar "leaving the building", even as Grieve and Christine talk about him : both lines can be symbolically intertwined ( | :Additionally, it's appealing to show Avatar "leaving the building", even as Grieve and Christine talk about him : both lines can be symbolically intertwined (several narratives running alongside each other, down a page's columns). | ||
:There are at least two ways he can "leave the building" : either sink into the darkness of the parking lot, or soar up into the troubled skies (take an elevator to the helipad). Both ways call for different arrangement of the parallel narrative, and they also branch differently into the next scene. See | :There are at least two ways he can "leave the building" : either sink into the darkness of the parking lot, or soar up into the troubled skies (take an elevator to the helipad). Both ways call for different arrangement of the parallel narrative, and they also branch differently into the next scene. See [[User talk:Geyser/Test2#Narrative|Here]]. | ||
===Wucraft=== | |||
:If it's the helipad he's heading to, how about a large VTOL plane (e.g. the one Muro's escaping with in {{C5}})? | |||
===Time of year=== | |||
:Early winter ([[Konoko|Mai]]'s excursion at the [[STURMANDERUNG]] complex was in the first days of December, probably December 3). Allow for a thin layer of snow or frost. | |||
===Time of day=== | |||
:Sunrise. Not so early because it's winter, but still early enough so that Avatar can avoid the morning rush. He may have summoned Grieve and Christine out of bed. | |||
---- | ---- | ||
---- | ---- | ||
==Dead wife== | ==Dead wife== | ||
;Avatar's wife, Simone, died after the Cataclysm. | ;Avatar's wife, Simone, died after the Cataclysm. | ||