Oni2:Caged Birds: Difference between revisions

m
Put the notes into gray tables to better distinguish them from the text.
mNo edit summary
m (Put the notes into gray tables to better distinguish them from the text.)
Line 1,114: Line 1,114:


==Griffin, Mai and the reindeer (indoc)==
==Griffin, Mai and the reindeer (indoc)==
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
'''Open Questions / food for thoughts'''


[Open Questions / food for thoughts:
*'''What is Maria's main conflict with Griffin?'''
Is it that he wants to implement the Daodan so early? Or is it the training? Or the harsh bio safety rules?


What is Maria's main conflict with Griffin? Is it that he wants to implement the Daodan so early? Or is it the training? Or the harsh bio safety rules?
*'''Are the bio safety concerns real?'''
 
There are 2 years between Kerr's arrival and Mai's Daodan implantation. Was that enough time for WCG to check their story and decide the next steps? What exactly were they considering? Did Griffin influence them. Is the bio safety so important if Muro has also Daodan? "It" is in the wild anyway. Is that the reason why Griffin was able to make that trip to the north? (See also notes at the end of the chapter.)
Side notes: There are 2 years between Kerr's arrival and Mai's Daodan implantation. Was that enough time for WCG to check their story and decide the next steps? What exactly were they considering? Did Griffin influence them. Is the bio safety so important if Muro has also Daodan? "It" is in the wild anyway. Is that the reason why Griffin was able to make that trip to the north?


*'''Where does the story need detailed scenes?'''
General thoughts about writing: What events need to be described in detail and what parts can simply told in dialogues of characters?
General thoughts about writing: What events need to be described in detail and what parts can simply told in dialogues of characters?
Does this choice only depend on wanted result? Transporting facts by talk and emotions by actions?
Does this choice only depend on wanted result? Transporting facts by talk and emotions by actions?


Preparation, trauma prevention:
*'''What action does Griffin take to prevent trauma from future missions Mai has to carry out?'''
In order to prepare Mai for later missions Griffin wants her to control her emotions. "She needs to be familiar with badly hurt animal and humans." As in "they [the Syndicate] are just animals" and "we are the natural order", "now pull the trigger".


In order to prepare Mai for later missions Griffin wants her to control her emotions. "She needs to be familiar with the badly hurt animal and humans." As in "they [the Syndicate] are just animals" and "we are the natural order", "now pull the trigger".
Possible relativization: "Don't worry, Mai, you are here to get stronger. I'm teaching you how to encounter difficult situations because there are sometimes decisions we don't like but we have them to make them nonetheless. Don't you think this is fun for me to teach you these things. I do this because it is necessary."


Possible relativization: "Don't worry, Mai, you are here to get stronger. I'm teaching you how to encounter difficult situations because there are sometimes decisions we don't like but we have them to make them nonetheless. Don't you think this is fun for me to teach you these things. I do this because it is necessary."
Maria tells Griffin to establish social binding so that Mai will be loyal to him. Her ulterior motive is to let Griffin feel compassion and not make her a weapon. However Griffin looks right through her motives and doubles his efforts. He might play games such as paintball and ego shoots with Mai. He lets her watch photos of roadkills and corpse at crime scene. To prepare her for shooting reindeer. Griffin expects strong concerns from Maria so he doesn't tell her the details and the trip to the north. When Maria later finds out she tries to compensate this by introdusing Jack to Mai and she also influences Shinatama. Maria is deeply worried about Mai's education and psychological development.
|}


Griffin plays paintball / ego shoots with Mai? He lets Mai watch photos of roadkills and corpse at crime scene. To prepare her for shooting reindeer. Such things could rise strong concerns in Maria. She is going to be worried about her education and psychological development.]
Mai rose the ax to gain new momentum. In a flash the sharp metal flew off hitting the tree next to Griffin. He somewhat dodged but the metal was already in the wood. It had gone through the upper layer of bark.


Mai rose the ax to gain new momentum. In a flash the sharp metal flew off hitting the tree next to Griffin. He somewhat dodged but the metal was already in the wood. It had gone through the upper layer.
"Wow, not so fast. Before you use a tool make sure it works as it should otherwise you can hurt someone."


"Wow, not so fast. Before you use a tool make sure it work as it should otherwise you can hurt someone."
"Sorry, Griffin."


"I'm sorry, Griffin."
He took the ax and hit the end onto the chopping block. The inertia of the metal pushed it back into the wood, strengthening the connection again.


He took the ax and hit the end onto the chopping block. The inertia of the metal pushed it back into the wood, strengthening the connection again. "Here." He gave the ax back to her. Chop some more I going to prepare some meet and cook soup."
"Here." He gave her the ax back.


[...]
"Chop some more. I'm going to prepare the meat for the soup."


[Some chopping, bonfires, wood sculpting, shooting training, different methods of hunting. Indoc talk.
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
Chopping, bonfires, wood sculpting, shooting training, different methods of hunting. Indoc talk.


All in all a few casual and "harmless" activities.
All in all a few casual and "harmless" activities.


If you ignored the bidder cold and the odd situation that a little girl hunted animals almost twice as tall as herself it was almost an idyllic life at the snowed landside.
If you ignored the bidder cold and the odd situation that a little girl hunted animals almost twice as tall as herself it was almost an idyllic life at the snowed landside.
|}


The days passed. One evening they got a visitor.]
The days passed. One evening they got a visitor.


[Kimura got notified that Griffin and Mai were up in the north. He figured this to be the chance to fulfill his promise he gave Hasegawa to get back Mai from the TCTF. It was simple math. Two Daodan hosts were better than one.]
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
Kimura got notified that Griffin and Mai were up in the north. He figured this to be the chance to fulfill his promise he gave Hasegawa to get back Mai from the TCTF. It was simple math. Two Daodan hosts were better than one.
|}


<!--Griffin reached the wooded hilltop. Mai was still a good stone's throw away.


In the shadow of a tree was a man standing. He was looking at Griffin's back.
-->
Kimura: "Vacations so far in the north, how unlikely of you."
Kimura: "Vacations so far in the north, how unlikely of you."


Griffin heard a terribly familiar voice.
Griffin heard a terribly familiar voice.<!-- The other man had stepped into the light to reveal himself.-->


Kimura: "Looks like a good place to calm down for a moment and forget all the trouble that awaits at home. May I join?"
Kimura: "A good place to calm down and forget all the trouble that waits at home. May I join?"


Mai fought her way through the deep snow, eventually reaching the two men.
Mai fought her way through the deep snow, eventually reaching the two men.
"Terrance, who is this? Is it a friend?", she asked.
"Terrance, who is this? Is it a friend?", she asked.


Line 1,170: Line 1,186:
Mai giggled. "You hugged each other? You were a couple? Did you kiss?"
Mai giggled. "You hugged each other? You were a couple? Did you kiss?"


Griffin exploded a little. "No you stupid. Arms means rifles. - Sometimes." He took it from his shoulder and put it under Mai's nose.
Griffin exploded a little. "No, you stupid. Arms mean weapons. Sometimes." He took it from his shoulder and hold it under Mai's nose.


Kimura gave further explanation: "We fought together on the battlefield at some occasions. I saved his life. He saved mine."
Kimura gave further explanation: "We fought together on the battlefield at some occasions. I saved his life. He saved mine."
Line 1,184: Line 1,200:
"I don't know. Do I have to, Kimura?"
"I don't know. Do I have to, Kimura?"


"Nah. There‘s no need to ruin this wonderful trip ... ", Kimura needed a moment to recall, "... of Jacob Flodström and his grand daughter Johanna Flodström."
"Nah. There's no need to ruin this wonderful trip ... ", Kimura needed a moment to recall, "... of Jacob Flodström and his grand daughter Johanna Flodström."


"Hey, he knows our made-up names." Mai stated the obvious.
"Hey, he knows our made-up names." Mai stated the obvious.


"Why don't we continue the talk at your warm blockhouse?"
"Why don't we continue the talk in your warm blockhouse?"


"What, are you freezing your ass off in your synthetic clothes?"
"What, are you freezing your ass off in your synthetic clothes?"
Line 1,194: Line 1,210:
Kimura laughed. "Yes."
Kimura laughed. "Yes."


"Do you wear weapons."
"Do you wear weapons?"


"I told you I'm on vacations, too. ... No, I don't."
Kimura rose his hands. "No, I don't."


"Fine, you go first."
"Fine, you go first."
Line 1,202: Line 1,218:
"You are not showing me the way?"
"You are not showing me the way?"


"You said block house. You know very well where it is."
"You said blockhouse. You know very well where it is."


The three started to move entering the forest again.
The three started to move entering the forest again.


"Though I may be Syndicate I agree little on their grant plans or agenda."
"Though I may be Syndicate I agree little on their plans and agenda."


"Aha, is that so?" The tone of sarcastic disbelieve could be heard from Griffin's mouth all too well.  
"Aha, is that so?" The tone of sarcastic disbelieve could be heard from Griffin's mouth all too well.  
Line 1,212: Line 1,228:
"They are maniacs. Organized maniacs", replied Kimura.
"They are maniacs. Organized maniacs", replied Kimura.


"Funny that you say this, I actually believe I have a prime example right here."
"Funny that you say this. I actually believe I have a prime example right here."


Kimura ignored the provocation. "Look beyond your horizon, Griffin. While the Syndicate is all around and growing, the WCG justifies their own existence by fighting them. But while they do they also tighten their grip on just everything."
Kimura ignored the provocation. "Look beyond your horizon, Griffin. While the Syndicate is all around and growing, the WCG justifies their own existence by fighting them. But while they do they also tighten their grip on just everything."
Line 1,218: Line 1,234:
"Since when do you care?"
"Since when do you care?"


"You could say I belong to the eyes of the Syndicate to monitor everything. So I monitor the whole world. And I began to not like what I see."
"You could say I belong to the eyes of the Syndicate to monitor everything. So I monitor the whole world. And I began to not like what I see."
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
'''Possible additions:'''
 
In order to let the reader feel closer connected to the plot the previous chapters should contain the topics Kimura mentions in his summary of a misaligned WCG.
 
Griffin's origin story will probably be written first showing why he left GATC and joined/established TCTF black ops.
|}


[Possible fine-tuning: In order to let the reader feel closer connected to the plot the previous chapters should contain the topics Kimura mentions in his summary of a misaligned WCG.]
"For all these years the WCG continued to polarized the masses. Either you are for them or you are collaborator of evil. Neutrality for whatever reason is seen with suspicion. No space for critics or independent thinkers. The political climate got poisonous – just like the soil and air around us. Instead we have propaganda from all sides, controlled media, pool reporting. [Bioc Inc.] Total surveillance. Controlled internet. [3D printing] Controlled science. - Think of it, they started to build science prisons all over the world."


"For all these years the WCG continued to polarized the masses. Either you are for them or you are collaborator of evil. Neutrality for whatever good reason is seen with #suspicion. No space for critics or independent thinkers. The political climate got poisonous – just like the soil and air around us. Instead there is controlled media, pool reporting. [Bioc Inc.] Controlled internet. [3D printing] Controlled science. - Think of it, they started to build science prisons all over the world. Physical prisons of our intellects. - And of course they controlled the economy. – The civilians who try to duck and hide from all this mess form [[wikipedia:Biedermeier#Current_usage|Biedermeier-ish]] bubble communities [Daya's parents], dive into distraction, consumption and addictions which – by the way – is provided complementary by WCG and Syndicate products. But even when the these people realize what is going on they don't act. A true, meaningful development of our lives basically doesn't happen anymore."
Griffin was glancing to Mai for a moment, thinking of her and Kerr. Meanwhile Kimura continued his monologue.


They passed the hill's top. The house came into view. It was still about 100 meters away. There were two pickups, a blue and a gray one. Kimura finished his monologue.
"Physical prisons of our intellects. – The civilians who try to duck and hide from all this mess do so in [[wikipedia:Biedermeier#Current_usage|Biedermeier-ish]] bubble communities [Daya's parents]. They dive into distraction, consumption and addiction.<!-- And the products they cannot get ... they get from the us.--> But even when the those people want wake up from their self-chosen coma they don't feel powerful enough to act. A true, meaningful development of our lives basically doesn't happen anymore."
 
They passed the wooded hilltop. The house came into view. It was still about 100 meters away. There were two pickups, a blue and a gray one.


"This society has put itself under arrest."  
"This society has put itself under arrest."  
Line 1,236: Line 1,263:
"Heh. Nobody is happy about the overall situation. But it's not like there is a god damn conspiracy. I know there are quite a bunch of people – or as you call them, independent thinkers – who believe this. But there is no such thing. I don't see what you are purposing with all your talk. – Cut it out already, what do you want?"
"Heh. Nobody is happy about the overall situation. But it's not like there is a god damn conspiracy. I know there are quite a bunch of people – or as you call them, independent thinkers – who believe this. But there is no such thing. I don't see what you are purposing with all your talk. – Cut it out already, what do you want?"


"Very well, straight to the point. I'm putting together a team of special people to do some cleanup. To normalize things. I don't expect you to join us. But I could need the abilities of your trainee. I heard she is awful talented."
"Very well, straight to the point. I'm putting together a team of special people to do some cleanup. To normalize things. I don't expect you to join us. But I could need the abilities of your trainee. I heard she is terribly talented."


Griffin stopped walking and signaled to Mai to do so too.
Griffin stopped walking and signaled to Mai to do so too.
Line 1,252: Line 1,279:
"I'm not."
"I'm not."


"Hahaha. Yes you are. You are a hunter. You are a soldier. You kill. You ARE a killer. And talk about crazyness, look at that partnership with Taka. You can't say that's not crazy. Do you actually know about him? How tied the other Yakuza to his bidding?"
"Hahaha. Yes you are. You are a hunter. You are a soldier. You kill. You ARE a killer. And talk about craziness, look at that partnership with Taka. You can't say that's not crazy. Do you actually know about him? How tied the other Yakuza to his bidding?"


Kimura smirked. [Kimura knows this because it was Taka who tasked him to come up with means to control them.]
Kimura smirked.
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
Kimura knows this because it was Taka who tasked him to come up with means to control the other Yakuza.
|}


Griffin tried to find words. "He is a controlled threat. We made a deal. A fricking deal – to live and let live. So don't compare me with you. I don't dig holes all day long at deserted places to bury the poor devils who had the unfortunate fate to cross your path."
Griffin tried to find words. "He is a controlled threat. We made a deal. A fricking deal – to live and let live. So don't compare me with you. I don't dig holes all day long at deserted places to bury the poor devils who had the unfortunate fate to cross your path."
Line 1,294: Line 1,326:
Kimura departed somewhat sideways but still near enough to end up at the house.
Kimura departed somewhat sideways but still near enough to end up at the house.


Six capsules from the helicopter were dropped onto the snow covered forest street. They turned out to be octa-copter drones and two men with tank-piercing sniper rifles.
Six capsules from the helicopter were dropped onto the snow covered forest street. They turned out to be octocopter drones and two men with tank-piercing sniper rifles.


"Where are going, Kimura?"
"Where are going, Kimura?"
Line 1,304: Line 1,336:
Kimura smirked. "Ya, don't waste your ammo on me. Although, I doubt your toy rifle can even scratch me."
Kimura smirked. "Ya, don't waste your ammo on me. Although, I doubt your toy rifle can even scratch me."


"Time then to ramp things up." Griffin had finally freed his wrist gadget to speak into it. "Activate defense parameter."
"Time then to ramp things up." Griffin had finally freed his wrist gadget to speak into it. "Activate defense perimeter."


Metal discuses of the size of half a meter were popping up out of the snow. Spiky legs unfolded and lifted the constructions.
Metal discuses of the size of half a meter were popping up out of the snow. Spiky legs unfolded and lifted the constructions.
Line 1,359: Line 1,391:


"Afraid of my toy rifle, Mr. Super Ninja?"
"Afraid of my toy rifle, Mr. Super Ninja?"
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
You know that ONCC, right? Can we add references of file names, one per chapter?
|}


Griffin was standing in front of him. The rifle was still smoking from the shot.
Griffin was standing in front of him. The rifle was still smoking from the shot.
Line 1,404: Line 1,441:
Griffin connected an energy cell to the inductor. It did nothing but to smoked a bit. Kimura gave it two more cells. The cable turned red from the heat. Griffin went over to Mai. He burnt the wound to close it.
Griffin connected an energy cell to the inductor. It did nothing but to smoked a bit. Kimura gave it two more cells. The cable turned red from the heat. Griffin went over to Mai. He burnt the wound to close it.


[Night fell and the moon was bright, in the old age this was a good time for hunting. But could they reverse the situation? They combined the sensors of the remaining Spiders and Kimura's "pickup". They dissembled the weapon from the Spider that couldn't walk anymore. After an attack during midnight the Spider's were destroyed and Kimura had disappeared. One sniper felt safe enough to enter the house.]
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
Night fell and the moon was bright, in the old age this was a good time for hunting. But could they reverse the situation? They combined the sensors of the remaining Spiders and Kimura's "pickup". They dissembled the weapon from the Spider that couldn't walk anymore. After an attack during midnight the Spider's were destroyed and Kimura had disappeared.]
|}


(...)
(...)


Griffin shot one through the floor.
One sniper felt safe enough to enter the house.
 
Griffin shot him through the wooden floor.


(...)
(...)
Line 1,419: Line 1,461:
Kimura had scared off the helicopter with his anti-tank rifle that he had hiding in the pickup, or more exactly as part of it. He had driven off to catch Griffin by taking a detour over the streets.
Kimura had scared off the helicopter with his anti-tank rifle that he had hiding in the pickup, or more exactly as part of it. He had driven off to catch Griffin by taking a detour over the streets.


The merc who had fallen into the storage room was revived by this suit. He crawled back into the kitchen. He quickly orientated himself and chased after Griffin's footprint that were still glowing in termo vision. The man had to be quick. Griffin had to carry Mai but he also had an advance of an hour.
The merc who had fallen into the storage room was revived by this suit. He crawled back into the kitchen. He quickly orientated himself and chased after Griffin's footprint that were still glowing in thermovision. The man had to be quick. Griffin had to carry Mai but he also had an advance of an hour.


(...)
(...)
Line 1,490: Line 1,532:
Kimura smirked. He let transform the big rifle back into the pickup and drove away.
Kimura smirked. He let transform the big rifle back into the pickup and drove away.


Griffin shouted into his wraist gadget trying to get a GATC member but the device was damaged. There was only glitches and noise.   
Griffin shouted into his wrist gadget trying to get a GATC member but the device was damaged. There was only glitches and noise.   


Currently there was no enemy in sight but new ones could appear any moment. Griffin was not in the condition to take the risk and wait for help.
Currently there was no enemy in sight but new ones could appear any moment. Griffin was not in the condition to take the risk and wait for help.
Line 1,502: Line 1,544:
Griffins feet had turned blue, the cells had died from the coldness. The doctors told him that they have to amputate them.
Griffins feet had turned blue, the cells had died from the coldness. The doctors told him that they have to amputate them.


[This one line was the "goal" for this chapter with the consequece that Kimura gets to know Griffin's fate and respects him for "having Mai dragged along".
(...)
 
Back in Japan, HQ.
 
Maria: "She is a child."
 
Griffin: "She is a black project, a potential bio weapon. If she were not we wouldn't have that conservation right now, you you wouldn't be even here. You better remember what she is. If you can't fulfill your duty I've to find someone else for the job."
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
Alternative lines: "This fact is not under discussion. The board of TCTF directors and the sci staff have made that decision years ago. Your protest will change not one bit."
 
Grffin talks with Tracy? (Move the little text before Yakuza beat up?)
|}
 
{| class="wikitable" width="100%"
|
'''Blue feet'''
 
That was the mental image. I wanted Kimura to recognize Griffin's determination to save Mai though his own life was in danger. No Syndicate man would have dragged Mai through the deep snow. Due to respect and other details Kimura will prefer Griffin's survival over Kumo's.


Aftermath GATC.
'''Aftermath GATC'''


There was more than one helicopter. At the outer parameter GATC lost men to protect Griffin as he is their door into TCTF and might still have access to their "puppet master" technology. Griffin and GATC administration have a "complicated" relationship. More on that later. Basically Griffin is doing his own thing now and supports the idea of science prisons for "good reasons". The WCG owns him a lot.)
There was more than one helicopter. At the outer perimeter GATC had lost men to protect Griffin as he is their door into TCTF and might still have access to their "puppet master" technology. Griffin and GATC administration have a complicated relationship. More on that later. Basically Griffin is doing his own thing now and supports the idea of science prisons for "good reasons". The WCG owns him a lot.)


GATC asks Griffin to give them more resources otherwise they cannot protect him anymore. Griffin gives a man at TCTF black ops (GATC) access to Daodan technology. Officially to study it and find week spots that help counter Muro.
GATC asks Griffin to give them more resources otherwise they cannot protect him anymore. Griffin gives a man at TCTF black ops (GATC) access to Daodan technology. Officially to study it and find week spots that help counter Muro.


Aftermath Kimura.
'''Aftermath Kimura'''


Kimura's AI had looked up the bounty for Griffin. More interesting than the money were the details of the order order.
Kimura's AI had looked up the bounty for Griffin. More interesting than the money were the details of the order order.
Line 1,516: Line 1,577:
Subboss Kumo had allowed collateral damage for this mission. Kimura had been serious danger. He could have been shot in "friendly fire" if more mercs had been hunting Griffin.
Subboss Kumo had allowed collateral damage for this mission. Kimura had been serious danger. He could have been shot in "friendly fire" if more mercs had been hunting Griffin.


Kimura: "Kumo, you're starting to piss me off."
Kimura: "Kumo, you're starting to really piss me off."


From this day on Kimura doesn't care any longer about any Syndicate fellows - only Sturmanderung is important to him?]
From this day on Kimura doesn't care any longer about any Syndicate fellows - only Sturmanderung is important to him?


Aftermath Maria.
Aftermath Maria.


The commander used his connections to get regenerative treatment for his dead feet. Something Maria noticed as stemcell treatments are strongly regulated by WCG.
The commander used his connections to get regenerative treatment for his dead feet. Something Maria noticed as stem cell treatments are strongly regulated by WCG.


Also when the two got back to HQ Mai "jokes" that she made her reindeer jacket herself until Griffin gives her a push to tell Maria that she really meant it as a joke which of course wasn't.
Also when the two got back to HQ Mai "jokes" that she made her reindeer jacket herself until Griffin gives her a push to tell Maria that she really meant it as a joke which of course wasn't.


Maria had some questions... After the crazy trip Griffin could only laugh about her verbal provocation.]
Maria had some questions... After the crazy trip Griffin could only laugh about her verbal provocation.
 
Maria: "She is a child."
 
Griffin: "She is a black project, a potential bio weapon. If she were not we wouldn't have that conservation right now, you you wouldn't be even here. You better remember what she is. If you can't fulfill your duty I've to find someone else for the job."
 
Alternative lines: "This fact is not under discussion. The board of TCTF directors and the sci staff have made that decision years ago. Your protest will change not one bit."
 
[Grffin talks with Tracy? (Move the little text before Yakuza beat up?)]
 
[


Plot twist: The bio safety concerns aren't real. It's just on paper.
'''Plot twist for later chapters:'''


If the Daodan was contagious Muro would contaminate the ecosystem no matter what happened to Mai. The trip into the north for indoc was removed from all databases. The WCG was agreeing on Griffin's actions - from the very beginning.)
The bio safety concerns aren't real. It's just on paper.


Maria's presence is actually not needed. Griffin's and Tracy's talk are fake to trick the Syndicate? Griffin simply "agrees" on the bio safety thing to keep Mai away from the streets making it easier to "educate" her and to keep her existance a secret? Maria realizes she has no power at all. Griffin uses her to find possible Syndicate moles. When Maria is of no more use she is send back to Green Village. Maria is disillusionated. "The true abuse of technology begins and ends with the TCTF." [Echo of the game manual.]
If the Daodan was contagious Muro would contaminate the ecosystem no matter what happened to Mai. The trip into the north for indoc was removed from all databases. The WCG was agreeing on Griffin's actions - from the very beginning.


]
Maria's presence is actually not needed. Griffin's and Tracy's talk are fake to trick the Syndicate? Griffin simply "agrees" on the bio safety thing to keep Mai away from the streets making it easier to "educate" her and to keep her existence a secret? Maria realizes she has no power at all. Griffin uses her to find possible Syndicate moles. When Maria is of no more use she is send back to Green Village.


Maria is disillusioned.


"The true abuse of technology begins and ends with the TCTF." (Echo of the game manual.)
|}


==Pest control (assassination plans for Muro)==
==Pest control (assassination plans for Muro)==
8,452

edits