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=== | <noinclude> | ||
:Getting a little aggressive with the editing, I'm afraid. | |||
:And hair-splitting just doesn't get worse than this... | |||
:Sorry. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 22:05, 28 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
==Wishlist Part 4== | |||
{{GuidoWishlist|right}} | |||
</noinclude> | |||
<includeonly> | |||
===Part 4=== | |||
</includeonly> | |||
Intense rainfall. | |||
:Thick layers of clouds darken a summer evening. | |||
::(you can't really see that through heavy rain, can you? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Through the gloom (and sheets of falling water... [[User:Geyser|geyser]]), we can see a convoy of six vehicles. | |||
:The ones towards the middle are an ambulance and a couple of trucks. | |||
::(what are the other vehicles, then? or do you mean we can't see them clearly enough, except for an overall shape? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Something has stopped them as they were siding a collapsed highway. | |||
:(siding??? ''bypassing'' a damaged section of the road... or ''driving along'' a collapsed viaduct? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]). | |||
---- | |||
:Not like we really care why it "collapsed", but I'm curious as for what "collapsed highway" means. | |||
:A "highway" is just a regular road, not an elevated one, so it can't come down in the way a bridge can. | |||
:And if we're talking about an elevated freeway, then there should be a reason why it was erected in the first place | |||
:either we're very close to a city (and the freeway passes over other constructions), | |||
:or the viaduct is bridging ''something'' : a swamp, a canyon, or just too steep a slope to put an ordinary road on. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 22:05, 28 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
---- | |||
::(New panel? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
The second truck got stuck in the muddy terrain. | |||
:Its wheels are half-buried under its weight | |||
::(All its wheels... wow. Haven't they seen it coming? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:(If the second truck got all its wheels buried up to the axle, then : | |||
:*the first truck should have got stuck itself and/or signaled the second | |||
:*the ambulance doesn't stand a chance at all. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Eight small figures are running back and forth setting up the first truck to tow the second out. | |||
:(You didn't mention the ramps they should be ready to stick under the wheels. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
The cabin lights mark the shapes of the drivers waiting in their seats. | |||
---- | ---- | ||
KAZUO (a driver) is leaning onto the dashboard of his vehicle (the ambulance? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:It's too wet for enjoying a cigarette (not inside the cabin, it shouldn't. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
He watches the rain as it's hammering away at the car's hood ("usual trajectory" = straight down? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:He wishes he was driving. | |||
''' | ---- | ||
MRS. HISHIKAWA knocks on his window (car door, driver side). KAZUO lowers the glass. | |||
:(Depending on the direction of the rain, winding down the window can be a bad idea or a ''very'' bad idea. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
::(If someone knocks on my car window in a downpour, most people will probably open the ''door''. I know I would. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:(As for Ms. Hishikawa, making Kazuo wind the window down and then back up is terrible planning, since she wants him to come along anyway. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
::(To get a guy who's inside a car to help me (under a pouring rain), I'd either open the door myself, or signal him out. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
---- | |||
<strike> | |||
;MRS. HISHIKAWA | |||
:Don’t say you don’t like a thing because you have not tasted it yet. | |||
;KAZUO | |||
:Let me guess... adventure? | |||
</strike> | |||
---- | |||
;MRS. HISHIKAWA | |||
:Make yourself useful : come with me. | |||
'' | ;KAZUO | ||
:(frantically looks at his near-empty package of cigarettes) | |||
('' | :(says nothing) | ||
---- | |||
:(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
They leave the car, and join the small crowd around the second truck. | |||
:(wasn't the crowd between the front of the second truck and the back of the first one? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
There’s something unexpected going on. The methodical moves of the crew are disturbed by someone who has joined the party. | |||
:(Again, they wanted to tow it out, when did they did they start pushing? without towing? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
::(How can Konoko possibly get in their way if their only hope is to ''tow'' the truck out, manpower being out of proportion with the problem? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Konoko is willfully trying to push the second truck from behind, together with two members of the expedition. | |||
:(What's the problem with ''them''? Is the front truck towing? If not, why do those two guys play along with Konoko? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
The driver has turned on the engine, rear wheels spin away in the mud, sending spurts flying in every direction. | |||
:(Actually, a very specific direction... [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Eventually Konoko slips into the dirt. | |||
---- | ---- | ||
:(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
She’s a hopeless case. KAZUO and MRS.HISHIKAWA drag her away. | |||
:(they lift her up first. [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) (doesn't she oppose any resistance then? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
----- | |||
;MRS. HISHIKAWA | |||
:There’s a better way to get our attention, you know. | |||
( | ;KONOKO | ||
(wheezes) (??? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:I am fine... | |||
(as she refuses their help (with how much conviction and strength? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) ) | |||
;KAZUO V.O. (thought) | |||
:DEAD DRUNK, ABSOLUTELY. | |||
;MRS. HISHIKAWA | |||
:Kazuo, please take her to the ambulance. Give her what she wants and send her off. | |||
---- | |||
:(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
Konoko looks worse than ever. A soaking wet coat, a mass of filthy hair, a thin pale face with two questioning eyes. | |||
:(how would the filthy hair show under the pouring rain? seems to me it would be primarily very wet, and therefore reasonably clean [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
:(you didn't mention the mud, which would be the only touch of "filth" if you ask me... [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
They let KONOKO into the rear of the ambulance, then MRS. HISHIKAWA leaves to attend more urgent matters (hm, just what would ''those'' be? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
''' | ---- | ||
;KAZUO | |||
(once he is sure MRS. HISHIKAWA cannot hear him) | |||
:Crusty '''(??? [[User:Geyser|geyser]])''' woman. | |||
turns on the lights in the ambulance | |||
---- | |||
;KAZUO | |||
(to KONOKO) | |||
:Stop it! | |||
---- | |||
Konoko is like a filthy ragged spot raging a perfectly clean space. | |||
:(??? explain what she's doing and why. Also, why the "filth" and "rags"? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
( | ;KONOKO | ||
(stopping) | |||
:Can you spare a meal? | |||
;KAZUO | |||
:Just tell me if you're part of the solution or part of the problem. | |||
( | ;KONOKO | ||
freezes and sits down | |||
:(in a previous version : "humiliated". [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
---- | |||
Scene break | |||
:KAZUO gives KONOKO her meal, and they start talking | |||
---- | |||
---- | |||
KAZUO and KONOKO are now sitting on separate benches (gurneys? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]), facing each other across the ambulance. | |||
KONOKO is devouring an improvised collection of snacks, medical rations, and hot drinks. | |||
;KAZUO | |||
:...People home in on us. They bring their sick, they beg for food and medicine... but we just can't take care of every single one of them. | |||
;KONOKO | |||
(chewing) | |||
:So your boss is not a bad person after all. | |||
''' | ;KAZUO | ||
:She's a ''practical'' person. | |||
( | (smiles) | ||
---- | |||
KAZUO observes Konoko in silence. She doesn’t mind the scrutiny. | |||
---- | |||
<strike> | |||
;KAZUO V.O. (thought?) | |||
( | :Even if I had been told of my father’s cancer, little would have changed. | ||
::It would have merely delayed the mourning until much later. | |||
:Back then I felt guilty of my indifference, not of how I had left him alone. | |||
::But as I went through my memories again and again, I could no longer overlook that. | |||
---- | |||
KONOKO is done with the meal. She curls up on the bench. Falls into a deep sleep. (three phases? [[User:Geyser|geyser]]) | |||
---- | |||
;KAZUO V.O. ? | |||
::::I only want to apologize. | |||
---- | |||
Dream sequence? | |||
</strike> | |||
( | |||
: | |||
---- | ---- | ||
{| | <noinclude>{{GuidoWishlist|center}}</noinclude> | ||