Talk:Elevator Pitch

Pitch?

Most readers so far have ruled the "elevator pitch" writeup as too long and/or too segmented to qualify as an actual elevator pitch (although, as stated in the disclaimer, it may depend on the elevator).

Indeed the ultra-concise story (pieced together from TLDR sections) still takes about three minutes to read aloud -_- :

Premise

In a dystopian world, a totalitarian government (WCG) is managing a worldwide environmental crisis (24/7 air filtering in all the big cities) and cracks down on illegal technology (Tech Crime Task Force).

Some of the environmental/technological troubles are of "alien" (transdimensional) origin, some are man-made. All of the threats are seemingly contained, although somewhat precariously/hypocritically.

Biological hazards claim the life of a young eco-activist. The grieving husband - a brilliant scientist - starts looking for the ultimate cure that would allow humans to survive in an increasingly poisonous world.

Instead he discovers an eerily powerful mutagen that allows humans to "hyper-evolve". The criminal Syndicate harboring the research realizes the lucrative/military potential of the project, and seizes control.

The rogue scientist had set up his young children (a boy and a girl) as prototypes for the hyper-evolution process. The Syndicate (bad guys) raise the boy as a super-soldier, but he rebels and becomes the new head of crime.

The girl avoids the fate of her brother and ends up at the TCTF (good guys), as a ward of the state. Raised as a policewoman, she is unwittingly subjected to "hyper-evolution" as well - as a contingency against the bad guys.

The evil brother (Muro) continues his father's work towards the hyper-evolution of Mankind[7], but as part of a planned bio-apocalypse: the air-cleaning facilities are sabotaged, and survival will only be granted to a loyal elite.

The girl/heroine (Konoko) completes her combat training and is ready to confront the Syndicate as a rookie field agent. At this point she is unaware of her relation to Muro, of his plans, and of her own nature as a "symbiote".

Oni's events

On her first mission, Konoko "coincidentally"[10] comes across Muro, who is personally raiding a bio-research lab as part of his endgame. In hot pursuit, Konoko fights through Muro's men and pulls a number of daring stunts.

The drawn-out chase allows Muro to scan Konoko's wireless communication patterns. Upon discovering that the TCTF are monitoring Konoko via an empathetic android housed at their HQ, he orders the android's kidnapping.

After her "sister soul" is abducted fom TCTF HQ, Konoko breaks away from TCTF subordination and is perceived as an increasingly dangerous liability. The TCTF makes several attempts to terminate her, which she eludes.

Aware of her missing memories, Konoko tries to steal records about her past from secure archives. A mysterious "super-ninja" from the Syndicate beats her to it, but Konoko chases/confronts/kills him and retrieves the data.

After studying old records and meeting her father's coworker, Konoko recollects her past and discovers her "hyper-evolved" nature. Cornered by the TCTF, she nearly dies, then resurfaces to confront TCTF command.

Finally, she single-handedly attacks Muro's base and unravels his evil plot. Upon discovering that the Atmospheric Processors worldwide are sabotaged, she opts to destroy them (and then proceeds to defeating Muro).

Epilogue

The aftermath is somewhat similar to Muro's supposed apocalypse: destroyed infrastructure, huge death toll, disrupted air filtering, and hyper-evolution as a forced solution (although it is no longer in the wrong hands).

Therefore the page will likely be renamed to "Digest" or something along those lines. Merging it with Chapters is another possibility, assuming there's reasonable agreement on the story facts.

"TNZ" (Truth Number Zero) and "BGI" sections will be removed temporarily (or displayed only on a duplicate page).

Acts

The above summary (geyser's) splits the story into thre following three acts (although they are not apparent in the collapsed TLDR view):

• Act I - "Fateful Trial Run" : Chapters 0-5 (Konoko's first and only field mission under Griffin's orders - challenging/intriguing, but far from ominous)
• Act II - "Initiative" : Chapters 6-10 (Konoko breaks away from TCTF subordination, realizes her memories are fake, and successfully hunts for archive data)
• Act III - "Destiny" : Chapters 11-14 (Konoko recollects her true past, learns about the Chrysalis and about Muro, confronts Griffin/Muro, saves the day)

The splitting choice is somewhat arbitrary, and mainly follows from narrative ease. Acts are easier to summarize in simple sentences when they end with some kind of closure (Muro's escape in Chapter 5, or Mukade's death - and the recovery of the CD - in Chapter 10). There are other ways to split the story, though, and a couple of those alternate views are provided below.

Iritscen

For what it's worth, just for the sake of discussion, I placed the act breaks in different places. Act I = Ch. 0–8. Act II = Ch. 9–12. Act III = Ch. 13–14 (or BGI–14). Act I, Old Identity, is when the main char. has an identity as "Konoko, TCTF cop". She loses that identity when she realizes that the TCTF was trying to kill her at the end of Ch. 8. Act II, No Identity, is when Konoko is rudderless and looking for answers. Her actions are easy to predict. This act ends when she decides to rely on her Chrysalis, and plunges into the acid to escape. Act III, New Identity, is when Mai Hasegawa shows up, ready to kick ass and take names. You'll notice a difference in Amanda's voice acting at this point too, as someone noted here recently. Mai has been reborn.

I put my personal thoughts about the acts (in their fullest form) HERE

Iritscen

Shooterdude

I prefer four acts, tbh. Act I is where the Konoko version is in its original state (0-6); Act II is where this persona is beginning to fracture: the catalyst is the kidnapping of Shinatama, causing Konoko to genuinely question her authority figures for the first time in her life, altering her position within the TCTF and how she viewed it, until she becomes banished from it completely(7-8); Act III is where Konoko is rogue, with no allegiance to anyone, putting her entire identity into question because she's now beginning to understand that the way she thought things were weren't actually so, meaning that she now had to discover answers all on her own (9-11); Act IIII is where Konoko becomes Mai Hasegawa, with the new-found knowledge of the identity that was forcefully stripped from her at the beginning of her life (12-14).

When 'Konoko' falls into the acid bath, I deem this the exact moment Mai Hasegawa was born, with the shedding of her old skin (clothes), allowing her to begin a new life in the identity that she discovered she was never given the chance to live. The reason why I put Act III ending at Chapter 11 is because that is what felt more natural to me as the last point in where her identity felt unknown to her. Chapter 12 is essentially a chapter that hammers into her what her identity is, allowing her to take its form at the end, meaning that she's no longer 'rogue' to her own identity like in Act III. Which is why I can't put Chapter 12 into Act III - it paths the way to a new beginning through out the whole level, not just at the end.

In regards to the killing - or attempt at killing - Mukade, I see this as the point where Konoko's identity is the most unknown to her. Konoko's anger and frustration are in full display here, not knowing what/who she is, making her resort to an action that before this point would've likely played out differently: 'killing' Mukade. The Konoko we knew before this point led us to believe that she didn't have the hatred within her to commit to willingly proceed with such an action, thus showing us that she's left all signs of the Konoko we once knew, sealing that she's become an unknown identity. It's an important section in proving that Konoko is no longer the version of herself we had been with up until this point. This is the section that could've made Konoko become an entirely different person if she had not found out about Mai, meaning that its importance can't be ignored. (As a side note, I don't believe this is concretely one of the most important parts, but I definitely think it's important.)

I knew from before I started writing this that I agreed with aspects of what both of you were saying, which is another reason why I wanted to explore it further and show you both how I came up with my own iteration.

Shooterdude