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User talk:Guido/Wishlist/Part 1: Difference between revisions
User talk:Guido/Wishlist/Part 1 (view source)
Revision as of 03:44, 16 October 2006
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::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 13:17, 3 October 2006 (CEST) | ::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 13:17, 3 October 2006 (CEST) | ||
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;Comment | |||
:good dramatic visual opening. captivating. | |||
:conversation between mai and john needs work. personally i think it comes off as cliche because blackwater doesn't see it coming -- and this should be obvious to him, as it is to the reader, by mai dragging him from his burning car and bandaging him. | |||
::[[User:AF|AF]] | |||
:Why, I'd say he ''does'' see it coming... He acknowledges Konoko's mercy early on, and the dialogue is basically him being ''curious'' about her ''reasons''. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
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:the grieve reference intrigues me, but this scene has to be pivotal by nature of it's function (enlightening konoko). | |||
:What I'd like you to do is "bracket" this scene -- the nature of kon's grudge against blackwater, what she does next, their previous experiences together, all relevant related info. | |||
::[[User:AF|AF]] | |||
:That "bracketing" is what wiki nodes are all about. Anything that calls for further development (here, for instance, Konoko's encounter with Grieve) gets a new page, to which we link from here. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
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:Other questions -- she saves his life, he's important to her, yet she walks away. Why? She has nothing left, doesn't she? | |||
::[[User:AF|AF]] | |||
:''cf'' her monologue. Note that it ends on a ''question''. | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
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:Lastly, blackwater becomes a big loose end if you leave him alive. You'll need to resolve that. | |||
::[[User:AF|AF]] | |||
:Yes, he does become a loose end. No, we don't have to resolve it. Think different. ^^ | |||
::[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST) | |||
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;Every time I look at my reflection... | |||
:Ever went past two glass/mirror panes meeting at a right angle? You're basically passing another you. | |||
:Not a mirrored one; one rotated by 180° and headed in a direction opposite to yours. Looking at you... And then... nothing. | |||
:Looking at that "passer-by" is really different from looking in a mirror. Just a few thoughts... Multiple reflection are hell to render accurately. | |||
:But a Konoko who's "passing herself" on her way out of the compound (during the monologue) is quite appealing, IMO. It's about missed opportunities... | |||
:[[User:Geyser|geyser]] 05:44, 16 October 2006 (CEST) | |||