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Guido's Wishlist : trial scenes for Oni 2

  1. Avatar and Konoko
  2. Oldman, Konoko and SmallGirl
  3. Mushroom Drunkyard
  4. Show me the way to NeoTokyo



On a door glass we see reflected a large car on fire (crashed after a truck? a mech?). Flames lazily feast the black burnt remains of the saloon. We realize that the smudge in the background conforms to the pillars of a parking. But we are no more in front of a reflection, it is a real view (since everything is flipped horizontally now). There has been some serious incident over there for sure. The melted shape of the vehicle is no more recognizable. Part of the ceiling has even collapsed onto it because of the heat diffusion.

A silhouette is slowly moving away from the crash site. At a first glance it is only a blurred vision, but if we focus our attention we see there it is a person standing, or… dragging another one. The former is woman, the latter is who we suppose to be the driver. He is badly injured. They take cover after a pillar. There are two persons around. The woman probably performed the same action with all the three passengers. Finally, she kneels near the man she has just rescued as he holds his mangled leg. He’s leaning on the floor, the woman tries to stop all his bleeding with a jacket.

KONOKO (we do not see her face yet)
Definitely, you are not going to die, John
JOHN (whispering)
My staff?
Fine. I’d say --
You were supposed to hate me, Ms. Hasegawa.
Will you do me a favor, instead?
You already owe me one... (gasps)
Spare your parlor tricks, and tell me where it hurts you. (as she undoes the first knot and she ties up again the jacket around his leg, this time more tightly.)
TCTF will not come down here. You will have no justice. Would you leave me without?
I thought you were similar to my father.
I thought you were it ( it??? geyser) to die.
But Mr. Grieve persuaded me you are something more.
JOHN (amazed)
(he reflects, then closes his eyes: after a while he realizes)
There is a thing I wish to say, Mai.
What, John?
Next time, I’d like to see you smile.
KONOKO (cheers up? Does only John see her face? Or can we too from our position?)
Does she answer "You already made me do so."?
Where are you going next?
I am seeking no place. Indeed there’s nothing left for me.
"maybe another story will let me in"
KONOKO stands up, and walks away. There is more people coming in (a couple of mercs and civil personnel), but they seem to ignore her, they are concerned with JOHN BLACKWATER and the remaining wounded ones. A staff member has probably called them for help with a comlink.
We take the view on Konoko’s face as she leaves the compound.
Every time I look at my reflection, I see in [it] a hundred women I could have become. And I wonder which version you may love instead of me.
I see my face,

Same view of Konoko, but the background has changed : it is an open space, a wasteland. She wears rags.

I look at my shoulders,
my chest, my breast.
I do find nothing worth now for you.
Do I like myself?
I noticed every scar on me. My body can heal my wounds but cannot conceal their lines.
Is it really all I got from you?
Zoom into her right eye: as it suddenly blinks, the camera movement is reverted


(back to a close-up on konoko’s face, as she stays defiant)

One year before
OLDMAN (from off-panel)
-- Fear got the best of you, Konoko.
(As we zoom out we see there are many other individuals around her, they look like an assortment of thugs: they are a grey mob in a brown sloppy square. KONOKO shares their same wretched color. They are all panting, after a first blunter. Most of them are turning their backs in our direction.)
Won’t you ever stop cheating me? (grinning, beaten up)
I am sick of this! (is this a brawl or a training?)
OLDMAN (stolid face – mid 50s)
I can only show you a path: you are free to follow it, or to reject it as usual.
--You simply cannot carry with you this little girl.
She can’t get anywhere your way.
I know what the men like you can do--
(coughs ! as a kick smashes into her belly.)
(spits out)
(raises her head, she gazes directly at OLDMAN 's eyes)
(By now I can’t help figuring him as a combination of traits from Liam Neeson and Hugh Laurie)

--I found her! -- she was still alive! She needed to breathe and I gave her the air, and she needs your water now! (growing upset) She deserves my help, not yours!�?

The place appears something like a former rail depot area in the middle of nowhere.
There are several containers left, and probably a number of barracks or few improvised buildings.
The anonymous plain fades out into a dusty mist a mile away from the brawl.

OLDMAN (he is perched on a small container –the small girl sits on his side. She is clearly afraid, as she knows no one but Konoko. Oldman observes the mess below in silence, then he rouses suddenly--) Gentlemen! I said not one by one! Hit her all at once. She is starving: I know the lady, she cannot dodge forever everything you throw her way.

KONOKO: (she finally manages to knock down her first man, but she receives in turn a whole range from behind)

OLDMAN: (LOUDLY)You can teach me how to confront fifteen men, Konoko, but I can show you how to fire their motivation.

KONOKO: (…too busy to reply) (enraged) --

OLDMAN (he calmly looks at the small girl: she looks terribly ill)- Cloe, this is your name, isn’t it? (his speech overlays Konoko’s curses) Well -- Cloe, are you afraid of us?

SMALLGIRL: (shakes her head, she’s unconvincing)

OLDMAN: (now apprehensive) Hasn’t she been telling you all those stories about bravery and courage?

SMALLGIRL: (nods very slowly, with hesitation)

OLDMAN: Bravo! Do you see? There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you say the truth. -- Now, has she been kind with you?

SMALLGIRL: Yes -- but she seems so distant, sometimes.

(the brawl has just ended: KONOKO and five opponents lay on the ground. (exhausted, groaning).

(small hiatus, Oldman has probably ordered his men to clear the field)
(SMALLGIRL stands apart but from her distance she cannot hear their words)
(We see the other ones helping their pals and carrying away the two of them who cannot stand up. Konoko is breathing deeply, closing her eyes- she looks as miserable as ever in defeat)

OLDMAN (laughs, as he approaches to her) (he is sincerely amused, there is no malevolence in his voice) No-- Emery, let her be -- (EMERY forgoes taking his “compensation�? for a broken lip)

EMERY: “-- Sir.�?

(In the background)

MR. FAULKERS (cannot conceal his disapproval to EMERY, as they go away): “Shouldn’t we end it?�?

(in the foreground)

OLDMAN: (to KONOKO, after a pause) You are a freak. (still amused) The more you want to seem serious to me, the more you make yourself funny.

KONOKO: Why —(groans) why don’t you stop haunting me!?

(takes another breath, her nose is bleeding)

OLDMAN: Have you asked yourself why I am so respected even by people I’ve never seen before?

-- No… it is not the money they are given --

our governments only want us to remember why we need them –
but now at edge of oblivion--many have realized that a promise of order and peace is no more enough, and there are no more protectors we can commit our obedient consent. (This one will go in another scene... it is redundant here: guido)
KONOKO (painfully raises on her knees)
Return to your Syndicate nest, instead of wasting your time after me!
I’ve never been your puppet!!!
Oh... (crouches) in the matter of company, your choices have been (getting equivocal) a bit questionable…

(thoughtful) (leaning over) take this and clean your face…

(very short pause)

(lowers his voice) honestly, I am not bothering you any more
But these eyes remember you
standing in front of that mech.
The anger that drove you…
(a nightmarish vision of Konoko confronting and taming Gerion)
(Seeing KONOKO hesitate)
Now, how do you think you can persuade me,
By saying you’d like to be a paramedic?
I can’t let yourself rot here,
or protect forever a child.
You are crafting a place where nothing more can happen.
Well, do you want to bring her with you? (emphasizing) Is it because she reminds you of someone you have lost? Keep her, then! But, when will you decide she is ready to go, heh?
Why do I fail you?
Look at yourself, you can barely stand. And what you get every day is people biting your face.
Take it for yourself!
Now give your farewell to that girl.
(small hiatus)
... (sweetly, taking SMALLGIRL 's hand, and drawing her close to Konoko) Come here, Cloe. Tell your friend where I promised you to go.
(SMALLGIRL stands right in front of KONOKO, who remains on her knees. KONOKO slowly plunges her face in the thick coat of SMALLGIRL.)
Why are you weeping? After all, he offers us to stay in a nice flat.
(to KONOKO) She is not leaving you, if you wish.
But this place is slowly poisoning her.
Consider this even.

Part 3

even a cloudy sky can concede sunny moments
The sun has pierced through the thin clouds above. Through the small openings it casts white stripes onto the snakes of mist swarming amidst the ruins.
There is a large placid flow in the middle. It is a river or a canal?
There's a deserted town in front of us. In the distance, a part of the city is still intact and inhabited.
However, it's in the corner of our field of view, beyond the left shore of the channel.
this hand
casts a tiny shadow on me
makes you laugh
A small girl’s hand casts a shadow on Konoko’s chest. Konoko keeps her eyes closed.
We cannot decipher her face. She’s slowly hanging her head.
Konoko hugs the small girl who’s lying on the ground. She is clearly suffering.
However, we cannot be sure whether the small girl is dying here and now or whether it is a flashback to when Konoko rescued her.
Other bodies are scattered all around.
makes you think
Now it is clearly a flashback, Konoko on a bridge over the same channel (a large motorway bridge).
KONOKO notices SMALLGIRL on the shore, drawing water with an old tank (see the discussionfor more details).
raindrops of yesterday are now dried up
A pool of rainwater, Konoko’s foot ripples its surface.
mold breathes as you cut it
and there are people carried away from criticisms,
The asphalt on the route has been fractured by colonies of weed and mold
Unearthly colors saturate the vegetation. Konoko follows the route alone, and enters a forest.
Little Red Riding Hood
we delay our anniversaries to the forthcoming years,
towards new moments of
awaited rain
The highest rises of the trees are grey, reflecting a suffering nature.
By contrast, the ground layer has become a daze of disturbing phosphorescent lights.
in another year
there may even be unseen stars
Shot of small tiny colored fungi lurking in the luxuriant undergrowth.
illnesses and mushrooms coming for us
Fade to black.
What drove you so far away from Neo-Tokyo? Isn’t it time to come back?

Part 4

Intense rainfall.

Thick layers of clouds darken a summer evening.
(you can't really see that through heavy rain, can you? geyser)

Through the gloom (and sheets of falling water... geyser), we can see a convoy of six vehicles.

The ones towards the middle are an ambulance and a couple of trucks.
(what are the other vehicles, then? or do you mean we can't see them clearly enough, except for an overall shape? geyser)

Something has stopped them as they were siding a collapsed highway.

(siding??? bypassing a damaged section of the road... or driving along a collapsed viaduct? geyser).

Not like we really care why it "collapsed", but I'm curious as for what "collapsed highway" means.
A "highway" is just a regular road, not an elevated one, so it can't come down in the way a bridge can.
And if we're talking about an elevated freeway, then there should be a reason why it was erected in the first place
either we're very close to a city (and the freeway passes over other constructions),
or the viaduct is bridging something : a swamp, a canyon, or just too steep a slope to put an ordinary road on.
geyser 22:05, 28 October 2006 (CEST)

(New panel? geyser)

The second truck got stuck in the muddy terrain.

Its wheels are half-buried under its weight
(All its wheels... wow. Haven't they seen it coming? geyser)
(If the second truck got all its wheels buried up to the axle, then :
  • the first truck should have got stuck itself and/or signaled the second
  • the ambulance doesn't stand a chance at all.

Eight small figures are running back and forth setting up the first truck to tow the second out.

(You didn't mention the ramps they should be ready to stick under the wheels. geyser)

The cabin lights mark the shapes of the drivers waiting in their seats.

KAZUO (a driver) is leaning onto the dashboard of his vehicle (the ambulance? geyser)

It's too wet for enjoying a cigarette (not inside the cabin, it shouldn't. geyser)

He watches the rain as it's hammering away at the car's hood ("usual trajectory" = straight down? geyser)

He wishes he was driving.

MRS. HISHIKAWA knocks on his window (car door, driver side). KAZUO lowers the glass.

(Depending on the direction of the rain, winding down the window can be a bad idea or a very bad idea. geyser)
(If someone knocks on my car window in a downpour, most people will probably open the door. I know I would. geyser)
(As for Ms. Hishikawa, making Kazuo wind the window down and then back up is terrible planning, since she wants him to come along anyway. geyser)
(To get a guy who's inside a car to help me (under a pouring rain), I'd either open the door myself, or signal him out. geyser)
(OK, OK, if the wind is from Kazuo's side, the actions of both people might make sense, but there's still the splashing... geyser)
(Just ignore this. geyser)

Don’t say you don’t like a thing because you have not tasted it yet.
Let me guess... adventure?

Make yourself useful : come with me.

(frantically looks at his near-empty package of cigarettes, says nothing)

(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? geyser)

They leave the car, and join the small crowd around the second truck.

(wasn't the crowd between the front of the second truck and the back of the first one? geyser)

There’s something unexpected going on. The methodical moves of the crew are disturbed by someone who has joined the party.

(Again, they wanted to tow it out, when did they did they start pushing? without towing? geyser)
(How can Konoko possibly get in their way if their only hope is to tow the truck out, manpower being out of proportion with the problem? geyser)

Konoko is willfully trying to push the second truck from behind, together with two members of the expedition.

(What's the problem with them? Is the front truck towing? If not, why do those two guys play along with Konoko? geyser)

The driver has turned on the engine, rear wheels spin away in the mud, sending spurts flying in every direction.

(Actually, a very specific direction... geyser)

Eventually Konoko slips into the dirt.

(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? geyser)

She’s a hopeless case. KAZUO and MRS.HISHIKAWA drag her away.

(they lift her up first. geyser) (doesn't she oppose any resistance then? geyser)

There’s a better way to get our attention, you know.

(wheezes) (??? geyser)

I am fine...

(as she refuses their help (with how much conviction and strength? geyser) )

KAZUO V.O. (thought)
Kazuo, please take her to the ambulance. Give her what she wants and send her off.

(Paneling? approximate viewing angles? geyser)

Konoko looks worse than ever. A soaking wet coat, a mass of filthy hair, a thin pale face with two questioning eyes.

(how would the filthy hair show under the pouring rain? seems to me it would be primarily very wet, and therefore reasonably clean geyser)
(you didn't mention the mud, which would be the only touch of "filth" if you ask me... geyser)

They let KONOKO into the rear of the ambulance, then MRS. HISHIKAWA leaves to attend more urgent matters (hm, just what would those be? geyser)


(once he is sure MRS. HISHIKAWA cannot hear him)

Crusty (??? geyser) woman.

turns on the lights in the ambulance



Stop it!

Konoko is like a filthy ragged spot raging a perfectly clean space.

(??? explain what she's doing and why. Also, why the "filth" and "rags"? geyser)


Can you spare a meal?
Just tell me if you're part of the solution or part of the problem.

freezes and sits down

(in a previous version : "humiliated". geyser)

Scene break

KAZUO gives KONOKO her meal, and they start talking

KAZUO and KONOKO are now sitting on separate benches (gurneys? geyser), facing each other across the ambulance. KONOKO is devouring an improvised collection of snacks, medical rations, and hot drinks.

...People home in on us. They bring their sick, they beg for food and medicine... but we just can't take care of every single one of them.


So your boss is not a bad person after all.
She's a practical person.


KAZUO observes Konoko in silence. She doesn’t mind the scrutiny.

KAZUO V.O. (thought?)
Even if I had been told of my father’s cancer, little would have changed.
It would have merely delayed the mourning until much later.
Back then I felt guilty of my indifference, not of how I had left him alone.
But as I went through my memories again and again, I could no longer overlook that.

KONOKO is done with the meal. She curls up on the bench. Falls into a deep sleep. (three phases? geyser)

I only want to apologize.

Dream sequence?